Building resilience can mean many things, one of which is personal resilience, the ability to adapt to adverse circumstances or traumatic events that life may throw at you. No one is immune to trauma or stress, and there are no winners in competitions of pain. Everyone perceives trauma and stress differently, so it’s vital to maintain empathy when you see someone else struggling with resilience. As with muscles, people can build resiliency given proper guidance and time.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the opposite of self-pity. Acknowledge your suffering, but don’t view it as a character flaw. You are not defined by what happened to you; you are a person dealing with a difficult situation. This could be a severe illness, an accident, a crime against you or a close family member, or another life-altering event. Ask yourself, “How would I treat a friend in this situation?” and then treat yourself accordingly.
Permit yourself to grieve and feel angry or sad, and don’t feel guilty about it as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others. Healthy outlets such as writing in a journal can be tremendously helpful. There is also no shame in talking with a professional crisis counselor; give yourself that time to process your feelings. This is a crucial first step in your healing journey.
What Resilience is Not
Resilience is not an attitude of “suck it up, buttercup” or bravado. Some people make the mistake of trying to forget what happened, which often will not work in the long run. The book The Body Keeps Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains how trauma can have a lasting effect on the brain and nervous system. Until these changes are addressed head-on, they will continue to negatively affect the mind and body in the form of ill health.
These traumas can manifest in the form of PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The unresolved trauma that manifests through PTSD can result in or contribute to substance abuse disorders, mood disorders, or the inability to concentrate. Acknowledging the existence of PTSD is an important step in addressing its consequences and seeking help.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
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You are the company you keep. Surround yourself with positive people by finding a support group. Engage your body and mind in encouraging group activities like yoga, meditation, or playing a musical instrument. Find purpose through volunteering to boost self-esteem and resilience. You’ll be contributing to the greater good while making new friends. Instead of withdrawing and ruminating in your own thoughts, find your niche and show up; this will benefit the growth of your resilience.
Embrace Change Rather Than Fearing It
Humans have a natural tendency to fear change; most people find comfort in routines and familiarity. Abrupt changes can be stressful, but that doesn’t mean you must fear them. Remember those cute motivational posters that said, “Attitude is everything?” They were right. When faced with an unexpected situation, you can view it as either a challenge or a threat.
For example, let’s say you have a disagreeable client at work. While you don’t have to be that person’s best friend, you can choose to view that person as a challenge or a threat. It might be easier for you to see that person as a challenge and then strategize how you would handle this challenge. This attitude shift can help you keep a clear head and think rationally. This is what resilience is all about.
The Final Takeaway
Everyone handles stress and trauma differently, but learning healthy coping skills can build resilience. Having a sense of humor can go a long way in long-term resiliency; while you may not be laughing when the stress is going on, you can use humor to help heal afterward. Victor Frankl, a neurologist, psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, even mentions the importance of humor as a coping skill. Even in our darkest moments, humor can anchor our reasoning.
Disclaimer: This article is intended simply to provide information. It does not replace the medical advice of a physician. Please speak with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns.
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