Human beings are a social species, we cannot survive without socializing. Sometimes, amid communicating with other individuals, misunderstandings happen. Oftentimes, we fall into the trap of being defensive, and we find ourselves arguing for the sole purpose of proving ourselves right. Building a healthier connection is the last of our concerns, and that can turn our approach borderline violent for the other party. To avoid that, Marshall Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist, developed a language he named The Giraffe’s Method or Giraffe’s Language.
What Is the Giraffe’s Method?
The Giraffe’s Method is a communication approach that is also known as Non-Violent Communication. It gives the space for the two parties to hear each other and actually be present in the conversation to move forward without any unnecessary toxicity or further harm to either party.
Rosenberg chose the giraffe for the name of this method because their tongue is known to be able to detoxify the poisonous leaves before eating them. During a conflict, this translates into devoiding it of its, potentially, venomous nature and turning it into a healthy conversation that allows everyone to voice their wants and needs, then find a middle where both parties can meet each other at.
The 4 Steps of The Giraffe’s Method
There are four main steps to applying the Giraffe Method/Language correctly, and reaching an effective resolution by the end of it:
- First, you have to look around, observe, and try to process the situation you are part of with as little bias as possible. This will help you perceive it from an outsider’s perspective without your emotions and prejudgment being the basis of your standpoint.
- Second, you have to sit with yourself and try to express your feelings with as much honesty and clarity as possible. This will facilitate transmitting them transparently to the other party. If you fail to do this step, shortly you will find yourself bothered by other aspects that you refused to acknowledge at the time. So before expecting honesty from others, you have to practice it with yourself first.
- Third, now that you put your feelings into words and you processed them, you can identify your needs from the other party. Make the things they can do to make your relationship better clear to them. Sometimes people do not communicate in the same language despite speaking the same one, so you will need to translate your language to them. Whether they are willing to understand or not is their choice, but you have to do your part, nonetheless.
- Fourth, let the other party know what you are expecting from them moving forward. Help them see what you think will make you feel safe and secure in the relationship. Then, sit and listen to them go over the four steps with you too. It takes two to tango.
Seems pretty easy, right? Now, let’s practice it in a real-life situation so you can have a better idea about how each of these steps can be applied.
The situation: A conflict with a partner.
- First step: “I see this conflict is not only coming from me and my partners’ different opinions about things, but also from us going through a challenging and stressful time. Being tired and anxious played into our reactions.”
- Second step: “I feel that whenever we have a conflict, my partner is more on the non-confrontational side, so they try to avoid arguing with me and this makes me feel unheard and uncared for at times.”
- Third step: “I need my partner to give me the chance to express myself and voice my feelings even if it makes them uncomfortable, so we can move forward in this relationship healthily.”
- Fourth step, “The next time we have a conflict, can you provide me the space to express myself and listen to me even if conflict makes you a little uncomfortable? Are you willing to work on the way you deal with our arguments and be truly present for me?”
Conclusion
Of course, these steps are straightforward, but they will require practice and patience from both sides to master them and learn how to move as a team and not against each other, even during arguments. So, give yourself the time and grace to try and learn as you go. The goal is always to lead a life with healthy connections, surrounded by caring and loving people.
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